Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Stand your ground

Hey Blog Fam!

As I continue my spiritual walk I have eliminated a lot of unnecessary drama and limited hurtful conversations or what they call No Purpose Convos. You know those convos where you gossip freely just say what you want without considering how that person would feel if they had heard your convo. I am finding that I am losing friends because of my lack of participation. It is really true that God will bring people into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. God will allow certain people to walk out of your life that do not agree with your new way of thinking. He will also aggravate the naysayers who say they believe in what you are doing but when you reject their advances they get irrate. Man, it is a mess! Even family members are falling by the wayside, but you know you can't just totally rid yourself of family all.

I just had a very hurtful situation happen that just blew my mind because I didn't participate but I got the ex-communication (the deleting of your friendship status, email addresseses, etc). So here is the jist...I am with a client on Saturday and I hear the house phone ring and of course I don't answer. Then my cell phone rings, and I picked up because I thought it was my sister or my mom and it must be important for them to dial all of my numbers. Nope it is my soror and she asks if I am busy and I state yes I am with a client. But it sounded like something was wrong so I asked what's up...to get the quick jist of the issues. Oh man why did I do that??? It wasn't even anything wrong with the soror on the phone she goes into something concerning another soror who she had a convo with that previous evening and she just felt like something was wrong because she was being secretive with some info. Now yall remember I said I wasn't participating in this type of convo anymore right. So as soror was chatting and asking me if I talked to her I said no and maybe this woman was being secretive because of another reason. Nope that wouldn't do for her and she kept saying it is something wrong. I ended that call because one I spent too much time on the phone anyway over my client's head and secondly I am not going to sit and participate in this conversation. I kindly called the soror in question and asked her to call the questioning soror to answer her questions that I had no answers to. End of conversation. So how in the hell did I get punished because I wouldn't participate or tell her the surprise? I don't know but obviously if this person could walk away from me then that means that she was never for me in the first place. Secondly if she could walk away that shows me that she has no respect for my position on eliminating drama and no purpose convos. Thirdly this person is not willing to accept responsibility for her own actions. I believe if you have concerns you can pick up the phone and call your friend no matter what. I am not going to call another friend and put that person in the middle because I can't communicate. That is unfairly putting a third party in the middle and how uncomfortable is that. I am standing my ground on eliminating drama and no purpose convos and if anymore friends, sorors, family members etc want to fall off....then se la vie, adios, and God Bless!

4 comments:

Phoenix Rising said...

I applaud your effort for self improvement and while I think that this is a positive move for you I also think we have to be careful when dealing with others. I don't profess to know all or be a guru of interpersonal relationships I do think that calling the other friend on behalf of the one that called you, maybe pushed her into a place she is not spiritually ready for - hence the anger. It was perfectly your right to refuse to engage in nonsense, everyone isn't on the same level to confront or deal with issues they have with others. I might have siml stopped at "You should call _______ yourself, and let her make the decision.

Trina said...

I respect your opinion Phoenix but on the other hand you don't know this person. I think I would have been punished either way. If I would have said you better call her yourself. I would have gotten the why are you being secretive now and blah blah and the conversation would have taken a negative turn with me. How do I know this? Because of all of the madness that has occured since that day. It has gotten really nasty so for me it is best that I just leave the entire situation and her alone. But I tell you one thing when she receives the surprise she is going to feel like the biggest jerk in the world. If she receives it.

Cassina Z. said...

Pers, sounds like Soror was looking for someone to blame. It hurts when you have to let someone exit your life, but more times than not you're way better off for it. Sorry that had to happen... I know what it feels like to have a Soror who you thought was very close to you banish without reason, explanation or validity... and still I rise. Love you...

tiana said...

hello Trina! I just surfed on over from a link from my friend's facebook page. I love your site and your hair journey. you're really talented.