Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It's not about you

*BIG SIGH* Hey Blog Fam!

I am in a bit of a funk today.

How depressing it is to watch someone you love go through depression, especially when it is a 4 year old little boy. *sigh* My little nephew is suffering due to absentee father syndrome. He is also suffering from mommy said I can't see Daddy Syndrome. My poor baby nephew! Oh how I love him so and to hear that he is hurting kills me inside. To be caught in the middle of some drama between two adults and not have a voice to express how you are hurting is a terrible feeling. For me it is extremely difficult to listen to my sister and bridle my tongue in the matter, because I know she will pull that old, "You don't have any children so you don't know" card out of her pocket. My nephew is really acting out now because his older brother is in Akron visiting his Great Grandmother on his father's side and my little nephew is stuck at home with my sister or either my mother. He asks to call his father all the time to only get the answering machine or voicemail every single time. A couple of days ago he totally acted out of character. He pressed the speed dial buttons on the phone and when the person didn't answer he began a profanity tyrant that would make a sailor blush. He put the words together with such venom that it crushed my sister's heart just to listen to it when her friends called to replay the messages. What did my sister do? She immediately blamed his father for not being around, which is common. But what she didn't do was look in the mirror and ask herself what she is doing wrong. I can list some things that she is doing that is confusing the heck out of my nephews such as her dating habits and introducing men to their lives that have no sustainability. But how do you help a person to recognize that they play a vital part in the problem when they don't want to hear the truth? You have to wait patiently until they are ready to receive your message even if it is killing you.
Today my mom called me to tell me that she and her boyfriend reached out to my nephew's father because my nephew was balled up in the room crying his eyes out. They called him at work and with relief he came to pick my Peanut up right after he got off of work. I was so thankful because my nephew did a total change in attitude. He ran and jumped off of the steps into his father's arms. He was just too excited to spend time with his father. While the father was leaving my mother's house he told my mother that he realizes that he is partially to blame for the way my nephew is acting out and he has to get it together. I respect that! But what I don't respect is my sister's responses to the visitation. My mother called my sister to tell her that her child is with his father and my sister gets irate and says HE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!! and she hangs up. Oh WOW! She then calls my mother back and says I don't want him coming there to pick my son up ever again is that clear. WTH!! Is she serious! I couldn't believe it when my mother told me. Here is a classic example of not knowing the person you have a child with. I saw the signs in this man when my sister was dating him before she got pregnant 6 months later. I told my sister and got a response so disappointing that I totally left it alone. My sister on the other hand should have known that this man had tendencies such as this, but nope she didn't take the time. This baby mama and daddy stuff has to end. We in the black community spend more time picking out our cars we drive than the spouses we chose to have children with. We jump in head first like YIPPEEE! But when the bubble bursts we are left with drama like this where a innocent 4 year is being affected by selfishness. How dare my sister or my nephew's father be so selfish as to not put aside pettiness to create a schedule for visitation that is beneficial to my nephew. They both need to take the I out of the equation here because my nephew is clearly suffering.
Until they can get it together I am forced to be a helpless aunt watching my Peanut suffer. *sigh* I wanted to cry today but all I can do is pray that God watches over him and guide his steps before the streets get a hold of him.


YingYangGurl said...

I feeling your pain. I go divorced when my son was 2. But I tried to make sure that his father remainded in his life. I even got an apartment near by to make visitation easier.